During the holidays and beyond, it’s so important to be kind, patient and tolerant, with ourselves first and foremost, and then with others.

To me, being kind means acknowledging the benevolence of the Universe, that she has my back; that there’s a purpose, a reason for everything that I’m experiencing in my life, and I can take those experiences and use them to evolve and grow, to be more of my best self.  Even in the most heartbreaking moments, I can use my heartbreak to experience more love and compassion. 

With kindness, I know in my heart of hearts that the love and support of the Universe is always with me, and I am never alone; that flooding my heart with kindness helps me to see and experience people and events during the holidays in the best light.

Patience is about being without expectation.  Expectations during the holidays can lead to depression and disappointment.  When I choose to be fully present in the moment without any pre-conceived ideas how people will act or how a gathering may be, I free myself up to be pleasantly surprised; I’m open to enjoying all the moments; I’m open to whatever that experience brings. 

Tolerance is about open-mindedness.  It’s about looking for the similarities I have with other people and using that as a basis to interact and connect, instead of focusing on the differences. 

With tolerance, I can have a meaningful conversation with someone that has political, religious and world views that are 180 degrees opposite to mine, while maintaining clear and appropriate boundaries.  In our humanness, we have many things in common, family, friends, trips, experiences, difficulties, the ups the downs, the trials and tribulations of life.  

Tolerance helps me do more than survive some holiday gatherings; it helps me to connect with ones I don’t usually choose to socialize with in a mutually supportive way, to enjoy myself and thrive.

Feeling unworthy is a huge block to our success, to feeling loved and a heartfelt content with who we are and how we are living and enjoying our life. 

And the amazing thing that no one tells us is that worthiness is a choice. We can choose to feel worthy and be worthy of love, success, and a wonderful life.

What’s in the way is patterning and programming that we’ve taken on that feeds our inner critic, that reminds us of why we can’t do something, of when we failed or make mistakes, of when we were less than perfect.

Worthiness is about being glad to be who we are and not wanting to be anyone else, not thinking anyone else’s life is more desirable than ours. 

Worthiness is about taking up space, not contracting and playing small, expanding and being the best we can be in any given moment, still knowing that there will always be a better way and always room for ever-growing and expanding improvement.

Worthiness is about loving ourselves as we are, warts and all.

We know and accept that we are not perfect and that we make mistakes. We acknowledge our mistakes and use them as opportunities to expand and grow. 

Worthiness is about loving and approving of ourselves we are and will always be a work in progress, and yet we still deserve all the beauty, wonder and joy that life has to offer. 

Worthiness is about being kind to self, being an inner coach, championing, acknowledging, and encouraging ourselves.

People that know that they are worthy of love, success and the best life has to offer are kind to themselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

They love and take care of their bodies. They see the imperfections and are mindful to drink pure water, get enough sleep and eat foods that are filled with love and provide the nourishment needed in the moment.

They love and take care of themselves emotionally.  They feel their feelings, no matter how painful or difficult, holding them in a space of gratitude, acceptance and love and let them go, allowing more unconditional love and higher to fill them up.

They know that avoiding and denying their emotions and feelings, that pushing them away will only cause more pain, harm, and heartache in the long run, and that there is no time like now.

They love taking care of themselves mentally.  They choose to be aware of negative thoughts and ways of thinking that they’ve taken on from others or chosen themselves and find ways to let them go.

They choose to say no to the inner critic and yes to their inner coach as a constant and continuous ongoing process, ever mindful to be humble and aware of negative influences within and around them.

They love taking care of themselves spiritually, filling themselves up with love, loving the kids and teens inside of them that got frozen in time with life happening and need their guidance, love and encouragement. 

They love nourishing the mind, body, and soul on an ongoing basis. 

Most of us have areas in our life where we feel worthy and others not so much.

We may feel worthy and competent in business, at work or in our professional life and not worthy in terms of personal, romantic relationships.

We may feel worthy in terms of our body, being athletic, healthy, and strong, and not worthy in terms of artistic endeavors.

If we don’t feel worthy on any level or in any realm such as the business world, in relationships or regarding the quality of our life we can work with creative visualization and practice taking one small step forward at a time. 

We can give ourselves permission to feel uncomfortable.

We can choose to keep showing up and giving it a go. 

We can choose over and over again to step over the line into worthiness and allows ourselves to visualize and feel that alternative, available reality of our world and our life.

Remember and affirm:

I am glad to be me.

I am happy to take up space.

I approve of myself.

I am kind to myself.

I love myself.

We get so busy and allow ourselves to feel so stressed that we forget to be grateful for all the foundational elements of gratitude in in our lives

The roof over our heads, the hot showers, the car that gets us from here to there, the food that’s always available in our fridge and pantry

The delicious meals that we eat, the sink to keep our dishes clean, the washer and dryer to enjoy clean sheets, towels and clothes, the comfortable bed to rest our body

The friends and family that love us and we shower with love. 

The list could on and on. 

How often do we stop and choose to be grateful for all the basics and all the love in our life?

Gratitude is a key to manifestation.

True heartfelt gratitude raises us up and enables us to let go of the stuff that we allow to affect us and drag us down. 

What we focus on is what we draw more of into our lives. 

Imagine how different our lives would be if we took moments during every day to be grateful for what we have and who we love.

We can affirm: 

I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.

Gratitude is a choice.

We can choose to focus on what's not working, what we don't have, what others have that we want.

Or we can choose to focus on all the blessings right there in front of us now.

That's empowering and hopeful.

I choose gratitude as my state of Being.

What do you do to take care of your mental and emotional health in an ‘emergency’, when you find yourself triggered, upset, anxious, stressed and generally out-of-sorts? 

It’s important in these moments to have an Emergency Tool Kit at your disposal to bring you back into your heart, back into balance so that you can breathe again.

And this brings me to my first ‘go-to’ when we feel anxious or stressed, and that’s breath work.  Breath work is so easy and natural to do.  We need to breathe in order to live, so why not use the moment to begin to heal and let go of what’s not working for us with breath work?

When we are upset, anxious, afraid, etc. we usually start breathing in a very shallow manner. We may even unwittingly hold our breath.  As we do this, we tell our body, we send the message that our life is in danger and we need to go into fight or flight mode, which is not helpful.

Step one is breath work and here’s three breathing techniques I recommend:

#1 Breathe in and out of your nose with the out breath longer than the in breath.  Repeat 10 times.  When our out breath is longer, we are physiologically telling ourselves that it’s okay to rest and relax; it’s okay to let go of what’s happened and come back into balance.

#2 Breathe in through the nose and hold, then breathe out through the mouth with an ‘Ahhh’ sound and hold.  Repeat 10 times.  This breath work is a great way to release any stress we are still experiencing.  It’s the mind-body’s second signal to unwind and let go.

#3 Breathe in through the nose and out through the nose with no pause through between the in breath and the out breath, also known as Conscious Connected Breathing.  This helps us to align to love and center in our hearts.  It helps us to connect back into the essence of Who we are.  It helps to affirm that I am more than just a body-mind.  I am a Soul having a human experience and I’m so grateful for all my experiences!

Step two is grounding, to be fully present in the body here and now. 

We can do this by visualizing huge roots of light coming out of our feet and anchoring deep into the core of the planet.  It’s like being a strong, sturdy tree that’s able to withstand all manner of wind and storms, where it feels like someone or something trying to knock us over would be an impossible feat. 

We can test this out with someone we feel comfortable working with.  First, stand in a relaxed and see how easy it is for someone to push us off balance using a finger. Next, visualize and feel those roots of light grounding into the core of the planet and have them try again. Notice the difference in that experience and then reverse roles.

Step three is ‘cutting cords’. 

When we are triggered by someone, a group of people or even a country, we establish energetic connections with that person, group or country. Unless we cut cords, we will feel everything they are feeling. 

Whenever one, some or all of them have a ‘bad hair day’, we feel their reactions and their feelings as if they’re our own.  The only thing we can clear or let go of and replace with love is our own feelings.  That’s why cord cutting is so important.

One way to cut cords is to visualize a golden cylinder down coming around our body and cutting all energetic connections that are not about love, just gently cutting them and healing where they were with golden healing light. 

You may need to cut cords every day or several times a day. Anytime we interact with or think about this person, group or country, cords are reestablished; and the same applies when they think about or interact with us. 

To keep unwanted thoughts and feelings that are not ours out of our bodies and systems, we need to constantly aware and diligent.

It’s important to work with our Emergency Tool Kit when we feel okay, when we feel calm and balanced.

And it’s important that we practice a lot.  Any world class athletic or musician has practiced more than we can imagine for years and years until their craft becomes second nature to them and they don’t have to think about it. It just flows naturally from and through them because it’s become a part of them.

If we want to have a new experience when faced with stress, challenges, obstacles, and unpleasant events we need to practice, practice, practice. Practice makes permanent. I love this affirmation: Practice makes permanent.  How cool is that?

Remember, also, that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. 

Anytime we forget to engage with our Emergency Tool Kit, it's simply an opportunity to learn and grow. It's counterproductive to beat ourselves up or engage in negative self talk. 

When we make a mistake, we can ask ourselves, “How can I learn and grow from this mistake?  When I face the same or a similar situation again what could I do differently? How could I act? What would I say?  How would it feel? What would support this new, more loving way of being?  And then visualize and feel that! 

Our Emergency Tool Kit is an amazing gift, and mine is just a suggestion.

What works for you?  How do you bring yourself back to center, back into balance and into your heart when ‘life happens’? How can you best support yourself to experience more love and less fear?